The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
Which month can’t make a decision?
MAY-be.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
There’s a room with two tables and ten people. One table has soup, and the other table has a punch bowl. All ten people are lined up at the soup table.
Now’s when you ask: where’s the punchline?
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
Does your sport shop stock short socks with spots?
What do you call a goat who is in charge of a university?
Billy Dean.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
Why didn't the snowman go to the party?
He had snowone to go with!
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
After making love the other night, I told my husband that I love when the whispers sweet things in my ear...
So my hubby leaned in close and whispered... "Syrup."
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What do you call a wizard aboard a spacecraft?
A flying sorcerer.
What does a tornado wear under his clothes? Thunderwear!
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
What's a goblins favorite dinner?
Ghoulash.
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
Do you beer-lieve in magic?
If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
How does a bee get to school?
She takes a school buzz
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.