What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
What does a polite vampire say to its victim?
- Fang you very much.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
What did the deer say to his friend during their night in the woods?
This is so much fawn!
Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?
Because they are well organized.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
What Disney movie can a deer watch over and over again?
Fawn-tasia.
Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf.
Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
All the grasses were bumping into each other because the grass-light wasn't working in the streets.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
Why did the hotdogger quit skiing at MaryJane?
Because it was the wurst stunt skier at Winter Park Resort.
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.
I told the artist that his painting was terrible. I think he got the picture.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
People are always amazed by the skilled tattoo artists in Spain
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What did the ghost buy at the bar? Boos!
“The North Pole doesn’t import goods because it’s Elf Sufficient.”
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
What do they call the Hunger Games in France?
Battle Royale with Cheese.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It was feeling green!
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.
Security soon discoverd, however, I wasn't the real McCoy.