Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
What’s the biggest difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool’s Day?
On one you’re thankful but on the other you’re prankful.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
Why did the college football team stop smoking
They lost all their matches.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
What do you call a dinosaurs fart? "A blast from the past"
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
Yule be sorry.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?
One trick peony.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Why do words and punctuation end up in court? To be sentenced.
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
Oh autumn, please don't ever leaf me again.
I love all my computer brands and sometimes give ’em smooches.
But I never kiss Intel.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
I've recently got a job making chess pieces.
I'm mostly working knights.
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
As I am walking towards my classroom, I get to know that my miss-is-sippi-ng my glass of water.
My friend can't afford expensive art, she has no Monet.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
If you're Russian when you go to the bathroom, and you're Finnish when you come out of it, what are you when you're inside?
European!
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee