Why did the hotdogger quit skiing at MaryJane?
Because it was the wurst stunt skier at Winter Park Resort.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
Brother: "I saw a seahorse scuba diving"
Dad: "Wow that's amazing, I didn't realise they had the technology."
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
Did you hear that there’s a webpage for people who suffer from chronic eye pain?
It’s a site for sore eyes.
Why did the police arrest the star? That’s becuase it was a shooting star.
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
At the Italian restaurant, the ghoul ordered spook-ghetti for his main course.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
Where are koalas taken when they die? To an ancient bearial site.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
What position does a ghoul play on the soccer team?
Ghoulie!
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
Recently I visited Germany. I hated everything in there. The people, the history, the language. But, oh god, the smell.
It was the wurst.
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
Susie works in a shoeshine shop. Where she shines she sits, and where she sits she shines.
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
This autumn, the garden told the mower to leaf him alone in peace.
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
That look soots you.
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B?
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.