I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What did the florist say when it was springtime?
Business is blooming!
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, he’s a web designer.
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite Elton John song?
A: Candle in the Wind!
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
Stay true to your shelf.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
What do you call a cannibal that works in a university?
Hannibal Lecture.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
Why do thespians have great hair? They want the perfect part.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
What do you call a broke santa? Give up yet? It's Saint-NICKEL-LESS.
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
When the pitch is flooded, soccer players can still go on. They just need to bring on their subs.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
Why did the portrait artist take a side job as a census taker? Because he was great at canvassing people.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!
What sound does a bouncy plane make?
Boeing.
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
Keep calm and leprech-on.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large chested crab?
One’s a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
Is it acceptable to take the epidermis from your butt and graft it onto a buddy?
Ass skin for a friend.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a crab with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
What is a bat’s favorite dessert?
Pineapple upside-down cake.
Irish I may, Irish I might.