Why do skeletons hate how wind feels? Because it goes right through them!
How do you know when a joke becomes a dad joke?
It'll become apparent.
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
Who else is a famous barnyard painter?
Pablo PIGcaso
Believe in your elf.
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
The best holiday for you to go bowling is thanksgiving because you will get turkeys.
I dig you a hole lot.
I’m super friendly with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I just don’t know why.
Have you seen my lobster?
I'm worried he might by a lost claws.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What do you call a bat with ebola? African batman.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
Finally, the soccer ball decided to quit the team. The reason behind its move was that it was tied of being kicked around.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
Local weather reports state there won't be any rain for 1 year, but I drought it.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
Everyone knows the Italians invented pizza but few know that it was perfected by French rebels in nazi occupied France during WWII.
It was the pizza de resistance.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
When can your cup of coffee tell the weather?
When it's muggy.
During the divorce, the judge couldn't decide who got the shack in the backyard, despite our numerous arguments.
It was a case of he shed, she shed.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm.
He's their CIEIO.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, know what I have in common with this new powder? 8 inches.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
The next door beaver couple got arrested for illegal streaming.
Q: How do you stop an angry tiger from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
When does a sloth go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.