What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease
I still had a few ticks up my sleeve
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
Real rocks are too heavy.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Why are fish so smart Because they swim in schools!
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
How does Bigfoot stay in shape?
It does Sas-squats.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
It is only late August, yet the leaves are already turning brown. Autumn came early this year. Orange you glad?
That rainbow is so neat, it must be professional gradient.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-boney.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
I was walking by a yard sale the other day.
I saw a radio for $1. The volume dial was broken but I knew I couldn’t turn that down.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
What's a lion's favorite color?
ROARange
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
What's a camel's favorite part of a meal?
Desert!
Q. How do you make a sasquatch, a yeti, or a bigfoot laugh?
A. Tell it a gorilla joke!
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
How do planets staying busy during hunting season?
By shooting stars.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?
Because they are well organized.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
How many colors are in the rainbow? I haven't got a blue.
What do you call an alien spaceship that goes from planet to planet to planet? A UF-hoe.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
We've been driving all day, I need a brake.
My suitcase started crying when I picked it up. I was carrying emotional baggage.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!