What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Have you heard about a man who became a werewolf?
He was distressed at first, but then he took a lycan to it.
My love for you is like no otter.
Irish I had another Guinness to drink.
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
Did you know that fighting increases your risk of heart attack?
Because it's assault.
"That was a howling adventure!" said the werewolf to the zombie.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
Why is grass so dangerous? Because it is full of blades!
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
What do you call a rental car in Spain?
A Barceloaner.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
How did the penguin pass his driving test?
He winged it.
“Santa’s beard is so long because he’s bad at shaving. Why do you think they call him Saint Nick?”
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Air resistance is a real drag.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What do you call a small Minotaur?
A Minitaur.
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
The artist successfully climbed the highest peak in the country. He attributed his success to the song, 'Paint No Mountain Higher!'
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
If you go to a beach and you can see through it, you could say the coast is clear.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.