Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
The gang of crows used a crowbar to break into the house.
Why do skeletons hate how wind feels? Because it goes right through them!
Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Q. Why are orange jokes so dumb?
A. Because oranges are afraid to concentrate.
Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
I drank alot of alcohol at the airport last night.
I now have a terminal hangover.
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
Teaching babies to walk is hard, but you just have take it one step at a time.
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Saw what I thought was a large dog coloring Easter eggs.
Turned out to be a dyer wolf.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
How do yetis stay regular?
They always know wendigo.
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels.
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
What do fish and women have in common? They both stop shaking their tale after you catch them!