Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind full of sand?
A: A rough draft
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Two florists recently got married.
It was an arranged marriage.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Q: What do you do with unruly green kids?
A: Make them do limeout.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Every player knows pretty well that they cannot afford to go through life without goals.
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
I came, I thaw, I conquered.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!
Why do thieves have a hard time understanding puns?
Because they take things literally!
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
What is a grammar vampire's least favourite drink?
Type-O.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
He wanted to get to the other slide.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers