Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
Golfer: I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth.
A loyal warrior will rarely worry why we rule.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
I got sacked from my job at the guillotine factory today
It’s a cut throat business
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
Each time the cow escaped, the farmer would find him hiding in Moo York City.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
Q. How do you make a sasquatch, a yeti, or a bigfoot laugh?
A. Tell it a gorilla joke!
Icy what you did there!
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
What do you call a basketball team that cries after they lose the game?
A bawl club.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
Why should you not play volleyball in court? Because you could get arrested.
What do you call a free treadmill?
The Great Outdoors.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
Double bubble gum, bubbles double
If volleyball were easy, they would call it football.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
Did you hear about the restaurant they built on the moon?
The food is good but it lacks atmosphere.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
Q. Which dinosaur species has deep blue-green feathers?
A. Teal-Rex.
What kind of fish do skeletons like to eat?
Carpals.
Why did the volleyball players line up from shortest to tallest? The coach wanted the team to switch from a 5-1 line up to a 6-2.
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
What’s the definition of butter?
An angry goat.
I used to be a personal driver in France
But now I have nothing to chauffeur it.
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What does a chocolate crow say? “Cacao!”
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.