Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
"You're a real good egg."
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
Q. Where do Midwest does prefer to give birth?
A. Deerborn, Michigan.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
Who were Gumby’s favorite Bible characters?
Shadrack, Meshack & AhBENDago.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
I went to the costume party as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
I eat eel while you peel eel
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
What do ghouls eat for supper? Spooketi
Why are volleyball players always so blameless? They always pass the blame and try to avoid faults.
Every time when I see a picture of something amazing in space, I usually say “That’s totally far out.”
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.