What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
What did one leaf say to the other leaf?
I’ve fallen for you.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
Was Just showing my dad my new living space. He asked “what’s upstairs?”
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk.”
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
A beaver told a joke about a waterfall. It was a pour joke.
Roofs of mushrooms rarely mush too much.
"I'm so egg-cited for Easter."
How does the weather tie its shoes? Witha rainbow!
Every single person on my flight was reading at the same time.
The plane was fully booked.
What do you call a mathematician's spouse?
Their significant figure.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
What do you get when you cross a ghost with a chicken?
A poultry-geist.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
How did Poseidon greet the sea monster?
- Hey buddy, what's kraken?
Skiing is believing!
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
Jellyfish and peanut butterare sea turtles favorite sandwich.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
Where do you think the astronauts keep their sandwiches? In the launch-box.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
Easter is grammatically incorrect.
We should say more east.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.