I’m very frond of you.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Avoid pier pressure.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Why did the barber win the race?
He took a short cut!
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels.
Everybody wants to light up a soccer stadium. However, this is only possible using a soccer match.
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
I know my shot was in. But I won’t argue, because I’m not up for the challenge.
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
Q: How do Japanese artists bid farewell?
A: Cyan-Nara!
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
A guy named Bart walks into a bar, he immediately gets shot and dies. Who killed him?
The Bartender.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
I was cracking some lame fall puns when my friend commented, "Gosh, you are acorny person!"
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What does a hunter do with a basketball?
He shoots it.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
Spring is the perfect time to turn over a new leaf.
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.