What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
Why was fog kicked off the football team? He mist a field goal.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
Windmills? I’m a huge fan!
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Who's got a penchant for spearing? Pronger!
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall "Dam!"
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
What’s the best way to settle church disputes?
With canons.
I told my husband I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
What do you call a thirsty bee?
Beehydrated
We should've guessed the failed postman wouldn't be any better at delivering his acting lines.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
Did you hear about the keyboard that lost it's Period Key?
He was missing the point.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
It’s time to say Versailles to France.
I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....
so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
What makes a glow worm glow?
A light meal!
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
Six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards.
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
Fall is coll-arding; it’s time to leave.
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter. A little (h)otter
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Why did the run-on sentence think it was pregnant? Its period was late.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
You are aged to perfection.
If Russia attacked Turkey from behind do you think Greece would help?
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
My neighbor was walking across the street while carrying the game Scrabble then suddenly dropped it, leaving the game board and pieces on the ground.
I said: “Hey Jeff! What’s the word on the street?”