What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
Join us for plenty of play action.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
You’re sledding a fine line there.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
10-tickles.
Did you hear about the aquarium owner?
His shark was worse than his pike.
What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
What's a king's favorite kind of precipitation?
Hail!
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!