How does a koala get from one place to another? On a gondkoala.
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
How do volleyball players deliver their messages? Through Air Mail.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
What is the best breakfast cereal to eat in the winter?
Frosted Flakes!
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
"I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny."
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
As he gobbled the cakes on his plate, the greedy ape said as he ate: The greener green grapes are, the keener keen apes are to gobble green grape cakes. They’re great!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
Take off all your cloves.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
When moving a piece of furniture at the weather station, you'll be needing four casters.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
"And this is the amputation wing of the hospital. It used to be a lot bigger."
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
Fertilizer.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
What's in the middle of Paris?
R.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
When we cross a deer and a mouse, what would we get?
“Mickey Moose!”
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
What do you call a Jamaican man born in Italy?
Reggae-Toni.
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why are eyes always the last organ harvested?
because they dilate.
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.