What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
Where is a basketball player's favorite place to eat?
Dunkin' Donuts
Why do cows eat grass?
I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too high a chance of a silver medal.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Whatever floats your goat.
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.
Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
Where do the monkeys get their gossip?
They hear it on the ape vine.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
Why do they eat snail in France?
Because they don’t have fast food.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
How do camels blend in?
With camel-flage
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
“I love when candy canes are in mint condition.”
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"
If practice makes perfect and perfect needs practice, I’m perfectly practiced and practically perfect.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.