Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
No need to light a night-light on a light night like tonight.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?
Well don't worry, he's all right now.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
"Have an eggs-tra special Easter day."
Why shouldn't you kiss anyone on January 1st?
Because it's only the first date
The skeleton couldn't keep anything tidy because of his lazy bones.
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
What’s the best time of year to break out the trampoline?
Spring-time!
How many cans can a cannibal nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans?
As many cans as a cannibal can nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans.
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
After a good summer fling, it’s time to fall in love.
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
What do ghouls love to eat?
Fettuccini Afraid-o!
Why did Frankenstein’s monster give up boxing?
Because he didn’t want to spoil his looks.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
I poisoned my wifes pita dip.
The police charged me with hummus-cide.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
My daughter asked me, "Why are the two planets coming close together?"
"Well, you see... When two planets love each other they can come together in holy astro nomy."
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
I saw a kitten eating chicken in the kitchen.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.