I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
Q. Why couldn't the dinosaur play games on the computer?
A. Because he ate the mous
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
Vincent vowed vengeance very vehemently.
What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine?
It became a wash and wearwolf.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
The weather's getting colder, I really fancy some hot croc-o-late.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
Scientists have found that the center of Jupiter… has the letter i.
What did the sea say to the penguin?
Nothing, it just waved.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
I’m o-fish-ally in love with you.
Golfer: I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth.
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
What do you call a hippie's wife?
A Mississippi.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror!
Poor white splash.
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
What do you call an elf who runs away from Santa's Workshop? A rebel without a Claus!
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
Elephant boxing matches are very difficult to watch. It becomes tough to identify as both have grey trunks!
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
Old astronomers got so tired of waiting for the sun to go down, that they decided to pack it up and call it a day.
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
I rang the doctor on our way to the hospital, and said, "Quick! my pregnant wife is going into labor, what should I do?"
He said, "Is this her first child?"
I said, "Of course not, this is her husband!"
There are many grounds religious children can practice their soccer skills. However, most of them love the prayground.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
What do you call a dollar bill frozen in ice?
Cold, hard cash!
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
Why are fisherman so stingy?
Their jobs make them sel-fish!