What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
What will you call a crazy spaceman? An astronaut.
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
What is the name of the car that passes through the narrow stream of the river? Fjord.
A company from Israel took over the Greek national cheese factory in Greece
Now it's called the Cheeses of Nazareth.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
Do you know what is the favorite key of the astronauts?
The Spacebar.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
Did you hear about the watchmaker who is half Spanish and half Irish?
His name is Juan O'Clock.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
I’ll always be running-back to you.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
A prisoner was released from jail, he shouted "Yay I'm free I'm free!" A little boy yelled "So what I'm 4 I'm 4!"
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
What do you call two celebrities who get into a gun fight?
One is a shooting star, and the other is a falling star.
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
Where do ghosts play volleyball at? At the volleyball corpse.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
What is batman’s favorite food (ans Just-ice)
Not much, just-ice.
Does your sport shop stock short socks with spots?
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
You must be a bowling ball since you’re right up my alley.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
What did the artist tell his greatest nemesis? I challenge you to a doodle!
If a young goat learns a martial art, are they a karate kid?
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!