You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
Why are tigers said to be religious? Because they frequently prey with all their family members.
Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
What is Santa's favorite breakfast food? Snow-flakes.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
The most notorious one of all pirates was very sad. It may have been because he was Bluebeard!
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Why was the skeleton scared of the baby?
Because he was an ankle biter.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
The sun replies: I hurt everyone when they come close to me.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Let’s make some pour decisions.
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
The company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an aeroplane. They are now filming the pilot.
What does Darth Vader say when he plays volleyball? May the spike be with you.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
How are relationships similar to algebra?
Because sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y.
What did one pirate say to the other when he beat him in chess.
Check matey!
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
I beacha miss summer already!
I'm snow bored.
What do you call a clairvoyant midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!