The graphic designer's present company gave her a substantial raise while a rival company also gave a similar offer. I am now caught in hue minds!
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
Blue and green stopped fighting because they had agreed on peace teal.
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
Reading is a novel idea.
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
What superlative did Robert E. Lee win in high school?
Most likely to secede!
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Look for a rainbow connection.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you and feel glad you are alive?
I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again!
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
I know tons of dad jokes! Here’s one
1.
Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
I pitcher us together forever.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
What does a baby vampire say before going to bed?
- Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Where do ghosts go trick or treating? Dead ends.
What do you call a pony running in a circle? Centrifugal horse.
We got a huge jack-o-lantern this fall. It gave the neighbors pumpkin to talk about.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
If you don’t have a lot of figurines from Ancient Greek mythology, I can give you a mini tour.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Why don’t readers have extra time? They’re booked.
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.