Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
Did you hear the results of the game between the beach and the ocean?
It's tide.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
Fertilizer.
“Dachshund Through the Snow.”
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
Artists know how to draw the line, so you can't really peer pressure them.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
A soda company printed Michael Jackson on all of their cans
He really is the king of pop
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
“Statistically…. 9 out of 10 injections are in vein.”
In one Fall swoop, it's autumn again!
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B?
One day, a father was washing a car with his son...
The son asks, "why can't we just use a sponge?"
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Live to tell the tail.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
What type of candy sent the skeleton to the hospital?
Jawbreakers.
Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
What is a definition of art theft? The haul of frames.
Why was the shy guy terrible at baseball?
He never got to third base.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo? Hop on!
I like big books and I cannot lie.
How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
An arm and a leg!
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
What do you call a crab that throws things?
Lobster
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
Leave poetry to the prose.
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.