Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
When I broke my brother's favorite toy, he turned absolutely red in anger.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
There's snow place like the mountains in winter.
Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
Well, there are mixed reviews. People say the food is great. But there is no atmosphere or ambience.
If you really want to get a date at a restaurant, it’s always nice to cut to the cheese.
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
Why did the old man hate living next to the tennis courts?
He couldn't stand all the racket!
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What do you call dumb jokes at the beach?
Comic sands.
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
What is the 7th pin in bowling called? Mother-In-Law!
Girls just wanna have sun!
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
Why did the castle keep swearing?
It had turrets.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
Are you squiding me right now?
What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
Which ancient Greek Philosopher had a foot fetish?
Play-toe.
Or was it Sock-rates?
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
There was a minimum of cinnamon in the aluminium pan.
What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
Ruthless.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
Where do crows go to get educated?
CAWlege