Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?
FORE!
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
Some airplanes are so cramped that at the end of the trip, you suffer jet leg.
What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bor.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
What does a cow call their spouse?
Significant udder.
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
Flight attendants fly with a very meaningful motto: always look on the flight side of life.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
When is Monday coming?
MonSoon!
How will you make a baby astronaut fall asleep peacefully? Rock-et.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
Don't get tide down this summer. 'Tis the season for having fun.
How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you? By the `D' on his pajamas.
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins?
They have no common cents.
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped in gum?
He got stuck in Orbit.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!