What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
How does Bigfoot stay in shape?
It does Sas-squats.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream!
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
You’re my lucky charm.
Two goats are married, living on a farm. Billy Goat says, "I really want children. Let's make some babies."
Betty Goat responds, "Heck no. No baby goats for me..."
"I'm not kidding."
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
For his birthday, the snowman wants a cake with lots of icing on it.
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why do flamingos make bad pets? They are too much of a birden.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine in winter? To stop his coffin.
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
How does every Irish joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
I’m feelin’ pine.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
Why were the melon lovers sad?
Because they cantaloupe.
I asked my Spanish girlfriend to make a to-do list
so she wrote down everything.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
"Happy Easter to all my peeps."
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
Who are the cousins of the werewolf?
What-wolf and When-wolf
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
What do you call ten arctic hares hopping backward through the snow?
A receding hare line.
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.