Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.