What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.