I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot