These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
One of my mother's friends asked if she could be a surrogate
I guess she was just looking for a womb for rent.
Its hard being a teenage mother
Especially when you're a teenage male.
Mom was a milk maid and dad worked the meat grinder at the local butcher. When they got married they took their vows very seriously.
They really meant it was for butter or for wurst.
My mother always laughed at me when I told her my dream was to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should of seen her face when I drove pasta.
My mom is a metalurgist
I asked her the other day: "Which metal do you prefer to work with? Gold or silver?"
She said: "Either ore."
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
I could borrow the step-stool from my mom, OR i could go buy something taller.
I prefer the ladder.
What did James Bond’s mom say as she was giving birth?
"I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond."
Kids and I are making burgers for my wife on Mother's Day....
I hope they meat her expectations
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...
Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall."
Son, your mother died. It happened when she choked on her dinner from laughing.
You could say I have a killer sense of humor.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
My mother-in-law dropped her iPhone in the toilet...
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
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