I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
At dinner tonight my mother in law asked why my sons knife had a bend in it
I told her it’s so he can cut corners
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
My mother always laughed at me when I told her my dream was to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should of seen her face when I drove pasta.
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon.
My wife showed me two of her mother’s quilts and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.
My mom's sister once mistook Ritalin for aspirin...
It really upped the aunty!
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, “As a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, “To be honest,...
“...my mother was never a young boy.”
Mom was a milk maid and dad worked the meat grinder at the local butcher. When they got married they took their vows very seriously.
They really meant it was for butter or for wurst.
My mother-in-law dropped her iPhone in the toilet...
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
Kids and I are making burgers for my wife on Mother's Day....
I hope they meat her expectations
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
She's my aunt
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
When Dumbo’s mom was pregnant, no one would talk about it.
It was the elephant in the womb.
If your mom slaps you with high frequency -
It Hertz
What did the young Toyota say to his mother when she asked what he wanted for dinner?
Taco ma
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