My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon.
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
My mother always laughed at me when I told her my dream was to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should of seen her face when I drove pasta.
My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...
Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall."
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
What does a Turkish kid say to his mom when he needs to do chores in the summer:
I dont’t wanna do it, it’s sho warm ma!
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
My mom is a metalurgist
I asked her the other day: "Which metal do you prefer to work with? Gold or silver?"
She said: "Either ore."
My mother's mother hit the jackpot at the BINGO!!!
She's a grammy winner!
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, “As a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, “To be honest,...
“...my mother was never a young boy.”
My mom's sister once mistook Ritalin for aspirin...
It really upped the aunty!
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
What did James Bond’s mom say as she was giving birth?
"I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond."
When Dumbo’s mom was pregnant, no one would talk about it.
It was the elephant in the womb.
Son, your mother died. It happened when she choked on her dinner from laughing.
You could say I have a killer sense of humor.
I don’t know why I couldn’t convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Mother’s Day.
I made several good points.
At dinner tonight my mother in law asked why my sons knife had a bend in it
I told her it’s so he can cut corners
What do you call a parallelogram that's also your parent's mother?
A parallelogramma
My mother likes to tell people when I was little that I told her I loved her alphabet soup.
I didn’t, she just likes putting words in my mouth.
Children with only a mother make horrible programmers
Theres always missing parent.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil aunties.
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
Mumbai
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