At dinner tonight my mother in law asked why my sons knife had a bend in it
I told her it’s so he can cut corners
I don’t know why I couldn’t convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Mother’s Day.
I made several good points.
Son, your mother died. It happened when she choked on her dinner from laughing.
You could say I have a killer sense of humor.
Children with only a mother make horrible programmers
Theres always missing parent.
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon.
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
My wife showed me two of her mother’s quilts and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's
I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
What does a Turkish kid say to his mom when he needs to do chores in the summer:
I dont’t wanna do it, it’s sho warm ma!
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
How can you tell if a tree is older than your mother?
It'll be covered in grandmoss.
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
Dad: “Son, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”
Son: “Wow really? Can I come too?”
Dad: “Four shore!”
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
She's my aunt
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
My mother always laughed at me when I told her my dream was to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should of seen her face when I drove pasta.
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
Momorial Day
My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...
Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall."
My mom is a metalurgist
I asked her the other day: "Which metal do you prefer to work with? Gold or silver?"
She said: "Either ore."
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
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