Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks