I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.