I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.