I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.