I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.