If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.