I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.