I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.