I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”