A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.