What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
What does a house wear?
Address.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.