When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.