What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
What does a house wear?
Address.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!