Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!