We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What does a house wear?
Address.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.