There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!