What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.