What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
What does a house wear?
Address.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.