How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!