Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”