My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”