I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What does a house wear?
Address.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.