The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”