Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
What does a house wear?
Address.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.