Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”