What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
What does a house wear?
Address.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.