Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What does a house wear?
Address.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.