Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What does a house wear?
Address.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.