What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!