Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
Orange you excited for Halloween?
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty