When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!