“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Orange you excited for Halloween?
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!