What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”