Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers