We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
Orange you excited for Halloween?