why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.