I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.