I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”