What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty