Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us