I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
Your good seed for the day.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
It’s party thyme.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
That’s a bit mulch.
I beg your garden?
Your good weed for the day.
One more thyme.
All clover the world.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
Have you botany plants lately?
Ants in your plants.
I’m rooting for you!
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Long thyme no see.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
All things must grass.
Herb your enthusiasm.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.