I’ll never leaf you.
One more thyme.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
I’m kind of a big dill.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
You’re unbeleafable.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
I beg your garden?
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
We’re mint to be.
I beg your garden?
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
In the eyes of the lawn.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!