Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
We’re mint to be.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
I’m very frond of you.
Trowel and error.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
In on the ground flora.
In the eyes of the lawn.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
I beg your garden?
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
All clover the world.
I’m kind of a big dill.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Herb your enthusiasm.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Don’t moss around.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
All things must grass.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
That’s a bit mulch.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.