When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Seed between the lines.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
One more thyme.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
We’re mint to be.
Trowel and error.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
Let me plant one on ya!
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Your good weed for the day.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
You’re unbeleafable.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
In on the ground flora.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
Long thyme no see.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Don’t moss around.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.