I’m very frond of you.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
All clover the world.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Herb your enthusiasm.
All things must grass.
Long thyme no see.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Your good seed for the day.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
We’re mint to be.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
Have you botany plants lately?
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Leaf me alone.
That’s a bit mulch.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
One more thyme.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!