Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
In the eyes of the lawn.
Have you botany plants lately?
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Your good weed for the day.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
I’m rooting for you!
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
I beg your garden?
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
I’m kind of a big dill.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
I beg your garden?
All things must grass.
All clover the world.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.