Long thyme no see.
Your good seed for the day.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
We’re mint to be.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
All clover the world.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Trowel and error.
Let me plant one on ya!
Do you need some encourage-mint?
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Don’t moss around.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Ants in your plants.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
I’m rooting for you!
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
In the eyes of the lawn.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
I’ll never leaf you.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
I’m kind of a big dill.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
One more thyme.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Your good weed for the day.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.