Seed between the lines.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
Have you botany plants lately?
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
That’s a bit mulch.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
It’s party thyme.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
I’ll never leaf you.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
We’re mint to be.
Herb your enthusiasm.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
In on the ground flora.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.