You're so beautiful, even the leaves fall for you.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
Thirty-three thirsty, thundering thoroughbreds thumped Mr. Thurber on Thursday.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
The basketball player sat on the sideline and began sketching pictures of chickens. He was learning how to draw fowls.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
No one can accuse this trip of being plane.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
My love for you simply radiates.
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
The moto of their school bowling team was ‘let’s knock em down’.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
"I'm so egg-cited for Easter."
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man’s wife
Happy Mother’s Day!
The painting was framed, so the cops arrested it.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
Did you expect to laugh at puns?
No, but they've groan on me!
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
Beer-lieve it or not!
Oh, I thought I was playing the first round, but I guess I got a free pass. Bye.
What if the earth was both round and flat?
Would it be called cylindearth?
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
As it snow happens.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
I had gradient expectations on him of being a good artist, but it was all in vain!
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
Denise sees the fleece, Denise sees the fleas. At least Denise could sneeze and feed and freeze the fleas.