What do police officers do when they are on the volleyball court? They serve and protect.
"Dying to have fun."
A man just attacked me with cheese and milk.
How dairy!
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Why did the skeleton start the fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
My Gourd, Autumn is so fall of herself!
The sun's favorite color is ultraviolet. Apparently, it glows with everything.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
My wife and I have the same shoes. I guess you could say we are solemates.
The scarecrow won an award because it had been excellent in its field.
What's yellow and black and yellow and black and yellow and black?
A wasp rolling down a hill.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
Why can’t people hear your scream in the space? Because it’s miles away.
One-one was a race horse.
Two-two was one too.
One-one won one race.
Two-two won one too.
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
I am fawn’d of you my deer.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
You are shrimply the best!
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
Red lorry, yellow lorry.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
What kind of eels can travel on land?
Wheels.
My dad's nickname is lightning.
That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
Broken pencils are pointless.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?
“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star.”
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish!
He threw three free throws.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.