What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift.
Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
I went on a date with a Chess World Champion the other night.
It took her about 10 minutes to pass the salt.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Kids got me an Old-school Chemistry set for Father's Day...
... Totally in my Element.
I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.
The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
What does a bowler and a Thanksgiving guest have in common?
They both want a Turkey.
When autumn arrives, the evergreen tree asked the deciduous tree, "Leafing so soon?'
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Why did the volcano say to the mountain? I lava you
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.
I’m currently reading a book on anti-gravity and it’s impossible to put it down.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Canada is planning a mission to the moon
They're calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.
On a lazy laser raiser lies a laser ray eraser.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.