If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
- Hey, graduate student Minotaur, what are you up to today?
- Not much, just working on my Theseus.
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
What do you call an elderly Spanish man?
A senõr citizen.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
Do you be-leaf in magic?
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Which basketball team is the favorite at the North Pole?
The New York Old Saint Knicks.
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
I loaf you.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
How did the skeletons make s’mores when they went camping?
They made them on the bone-fire.
What did the icy road say to the car?
“Want to go for a spin?”
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
"No body won the skeleton race."
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
I told the artist that his painting was terrible. I think he got the picture.
Why was the marathon runner plucked out of the race and taken away to jail?
For resisting a rest.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
The snowman's favorite side dish is iceberg salad.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”